I want to walk on stilts...naked
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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