is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
