btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
