Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
