it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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