if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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