My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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