you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
