Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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