remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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