There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
