And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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