he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize