trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
