Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
