I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
