i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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