I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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