I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
