found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
