hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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