Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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