I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
