i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
