I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize