He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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