Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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