I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
