Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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