i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
