the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
