I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
