Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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