Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Actions speak louder than pants.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize