I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
