Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
