there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
