You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
