Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
