You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Holy shit dude........stairs
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