Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
