apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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