New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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