I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize