I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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