Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm passing your future prison.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
