I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
