i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
