I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
