Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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