doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
