i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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