Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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