I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
