thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
