Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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