I haven't been this sober since birth.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
