We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
