I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
