Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
