I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
