You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Barsexuality is the new black.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
