I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
