her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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