What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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