just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
