I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
