One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
