Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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