Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize