do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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