Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
