The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize