Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Have you finally orgasmed yet?

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(619): View more from California

His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.

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(319): View more from Iowa

How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

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(408): View more from California

I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....

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(214): View more from Texas

Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.

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(858): View more from California

Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long

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