my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just cut my nipple shaving
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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