Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
