he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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