I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
