You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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