you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize