sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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