hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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