omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
im on a boat
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