i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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