so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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