She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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