I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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