How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
