pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
