they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
