You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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