Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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