I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
