You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
