So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize