But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
3 2 1 whiskey
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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