I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
